Mother, Mommy, Mama & Mom: Wouldn’t want any other name!

I remember as a little girl loving to play with my dolls, pretending house and dressing-up. It was such great fun to use my imagination in pretending to be a mommy. However, my first strongest memory I have of wanting to be a mother, sparked from deep inside my heart. I can’t remember the exact age I was, but I know I was in my teens. I was walking down the hall at church when I noticed a little toddler trying to reach his mouth to the stream of water pouring from the drinking fountain. My first inclination, which I acted on, was to pick him up so that he could get his drink. After he had his fill, he turned to me with leftover water dripping down his cheek and said in his sweet little voice, “Dank-you mommy!” My heart swelled; I brought him down, and he skipped away. I knew at that moment that I wanted to be a mom more than ever.

Fast forward a bit – well, a lot, and here I am fulfilling my desire of being a mother. It certainly isn’t as easy as I once imagined. I have shed tears of joy, sorrow, frustration, pain and of peace. I always knew I wanted many children; that was my plan. However, Heavenly Father had a different one for me (typical, isn’t?) J Without going into a lot of details, I will share with you my experience after Sunni, my second daughter, was born. She was a BIG baby (actually, both  were), 10 lbs. 4 oz. Her delivery was a planned C-section, and everything seemed to go great. She came into this world healthy and beautiful as ever. Later, that night, I woke up with a start; it was around 11:00 pm. It was very difficult, but I got myself out of bed to use the restroom. Once I got back, I fell asleep instantly. Almost an hour later, I woke again, needing to use the restroom. By the time I got in there, I had started to bleed out – profusely. I called for the nurses, and they quickly took action. Before I knew it, I was in the OR and I had flat-lined. I was losing blood faster than what they could replace. The only thing the Doctors could do to save my life was to do a hysterectomy. I was 28 years old.

This has been a deep and personal hurt for me. Not to mention how I have also lived with guilt for feeling so upset about what happened. The guilt is because I have two wonderful daughters, where there are so many couples out in the world that can’t even have one. To this day, I still do not know why this happened, but it did, and perhaps I will receive answers one day. In the meantime, I am so grateful for what I do have, and that I still have my life and the blessing of raising these two precious daughters of God.

Being a mother means so much more to me now than it ever has before. I can’t help but believe these feelings, and desires are inherited qualities from our Heavenly Father and Mother. I love that I am able to nurture my children and teach them all that I know about life, Jesus Christ and His Church. I take this role very seriously – hence, the tears that come from time to time. I understand now why mothers are known to spend a lot of time on their knees. I have been there myself pleading and seeking for guidance as I have worried about my girls.

The “world” tends to contribute such mixed messages of what it means to be a mom, let alone a woman. We are being bombarded all the time of physical stereotypes, that we don’t need a man (husband) to be fulfilled and that traditional family values are a thing of the past. There are so many mixed messages coming at us from all directions; it can be quite confusing. Elder Robert D. Hales, an Apostle of the Church, said once, in response to questions about motherhood, “The world would state that a woman is a form of servitude that does not allow her to develop her gifts and talents. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could be further from the truth. Do not let the world define, denigrate, or limit your feelings of lifelong learning and the values of motherhood in the home” (2008). On that same note, being a woman and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I feel that I know more about who I am and my role. I believe that “Motherhood is near divinity. It’s the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to angels” (James R. Clark 1951). Being a mother has taught me so much more than any class room or work experience could ever give me. I have learned all kinds of skills, communication, patience, love and understanding. 

At last, I just want to leave with this one phrase I learned years ago, “If you quit your job today, you will be replaced by tomorrow. However, if you die today, your family will never be able to replace you.” So really, ask yourself, when it comes right down to it – which job holds more importance?