I
met my husband Gary, January 1st, 1995. Was it love at first sight?
Perhaps, but it took about 2 ½ months after meeting each other to finally go on
our first date. And of course, as the saying goes, “I chased him until he
caught me…” I had to call him twice before he returned my call (I had to be the
one to initiate our first date and yes, he did think I was pretty desperate).
He blames his roommate for not giving him the message, you know, back in the
days before texting. But we finally went on our first date, love fell on us
like a ton of bricks, and 9 months later we were married in LDS Bountiful Utah
Temple.
Getting to the point where I was ready for marriage wasn’t
necessarily easy, nor did it go the way I expected. I wanted to find Mr. Right,
be a young bride, and live happily ever after. But that didn’t happen so
quickly for me. At age 21, with no marriage prospects in view, I decided to
serve a LDS mission; one of the best choices I ever made. I was never one who
dated a lot before my mission – I was scared of most boys. However, serving a
mission taught me assertiveness and gave me a confidence I never would have
learned anywhere else. Shortly after coming home from my mission, I turned into
a “dating machine”. I was having fun and enjoying every minute of it. I had
resolved in my mind that I would be just fine if I didn’t marry until my 30s.
(For those of you who may not understand the LDS culture, its very common for
us to marry very young, low to mid twenties, so a woman getting married at 30-
something might be considered an “old maid”, I know, sounds odd to the general
population but that’s just our culture).
Instead of trying to find Mr. Right, I knew I needed to
become Ms. Right. I had goals I needed to reach and skills I could develop. If
I wanted a certain quality in a man (like strong faith in God) then I needed to
develop that attribute in myself.
In chapter one of my text book, “Successful Marriages and
Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives” it talks about
this very subject, becoming Mr. or Ms. Right. It states, “While a “becoming”
based approach to dating still recognizes the importance of finding a good
person to marry, finding is not the primary focus. Rather the main emphasis is
on becoming ready for marriage and then committing to that relationship
when you have made the decision to marry” (p. 6, 2012). I find this to be good
and sound advice. The dating game can be very frustrating; I remember all too
well. Once I made the decision not to
worry so much about whom I was going to marry but focused more on becoming a
better person and working on my own strengths, BAM – I met my Mr. Right.
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