Forgiveness & Forgetting

It has been said before that once you truly forgive; you should forget as well. That is a tough order. I understand the concept of forgiveness, but how does one forget? Does “forgetting” mean that there is a blank space in your mind; a lost memory? For me personally, I feel that “forgetting” means that once you have forgiven someone, you stop dwelling on it. You find the power somewhere deep inside of you and make the choice to stop thinking about it or “hashing it out” over and over. True peace will come to a person once he or she has forgiven, moved on and stopped thinking about it.

Repenting and forgiveness in family life are probably one of the most important things we can do to strengthen our lives and our families. In chapter twenty of my text book, it states, “In families, repentance and forgiveness blend into an interactive process that is strengthened by family members’ commitment to each other” (as cited by Finkel, Rusbult, Kumashiro, & Hannon, 2002, p.201). I found this statement very profound because it backs up what I have always believed; having a commitment to one another means that we don’t give up and walk away. It is imperative to find solutions to our problems, get past the hurt, forgive and forget.

It has been my personal experience how quickly tension is defused between two people when an offer of or the acceptance of an apology is given. I have found the love and closeness between my husband and I grow stronger when we strive to live by this principle. Christ has commanded us to forgive. He has said, “I the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you, it is required to forgive all men” (Doctrine & Covenants 64:10).

Forgiveness is not the easiest thing to do. In some cases, it may take a whole-life time to forgive someone. Horrible acts are committed on others all the time, but those who have chosen the path of forgiveness, have found greater strength and peace. They have moved on with their lives with grace, and they find that they are happier. They also are able to forget, meaning it doesn't consume their thoughts anymore. I have experienced this. I arrived to a point in my life where I needed to offer forgiveness. After much prayer, I knew this was what Heavenly Father wanted for me. It was a process, and it didn't happen overnight but as the days went on, I was beginning to see my burden lifted. The frustration and confusion that plagued my thoughts started to cease. This was a gift only Jesus Christ could give. For that gift, I will be eternally grateful! 

Below is a beautiful true story of a man that offered forgiveness to a teenage boy while driving intoxicated, killed his wife, who was pregnant & two other children. This story explains in a much more powerful way the meaning of forgiving and forgetting: