The Central Part of His Plan: The Family

It is probably pretty true to say that nothing in life can bring us more joy and happiness or frustration and anger than our family. Despite the varying emotional distresses that we all go through, I believe, for the most part – we would defend and protect our families until the very end.

One of the major principles taught in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is God’s plan for happiness. Another way to refer to it is, The Plan of Salvation. This “plan” was taught to all of us in the pre-existence (before we were born). We were taught about agency, receiving a body, and what Christ would do to save us all (and much more). A major factor which was included in this plan, is our families. We believe: “The family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children… In the premortal realm; spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.” (https://www.lds.org/liahona/2004/12/strengthening-the-family-the-family-is-central-to-the-creators-plan?lang=eng)

I hope you will click on the link above. This article is found on www.lds.org and explains in more depth about the importance of families & how the family is "under attack." It is Satan’s plan to destroy and break up families. He desires us all to be miserable just like himself (2 Nephi 2:27).  All families struggle from time to time. We need to seek ways to repent and forgive. By doing so, we build a stronger unit and bond that is much harder to break. When principles of Jesus Christ are taught within the family, happiness will be found. The Atonement of Jesus Christ makes repentance and forgiveness possible for all people; we just need to use it and apply it into our lives.

I told my followers (readers) of this blog that my intention was to share with all my feelings and ideas about marriage and family. I cannot stress enough how important I feel family is. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel lost, afraid or confused – my advice is to pray. God loves you & every one of us. He is available whenever we need him. He will lift your burdens and give you strength. He wants to see you happy and successful. He also knows we are going to have trials and struggles but keep in mind; he hasn’t abandoned us during those hard times. We just need to realize and accept that he stands at the door, waiting to let us in.

I love Jesus Christ. He is the Savior to the world. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is His church; and His gospel. I know we have a living prophet today that talks to and communes with God. He reveals to His prophets and apostles what we need to know to continue living His commandments. When life gets confusing, or when the world seems to be “shouting” things really loud; I know I can turn to Him for peace and receive the blessings & answers needed. I know a place to go to find truth, that place in on my knees. Prayer is essential and it is there for all.  If you are seeking answers and want to know what is true – turn to God and he will lead you in the right direction. He will continue to bless you and your family.

Precious Life

A quick quote that I thought was cute: “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

 ~ Nora Ephron, journalist, playwright & screen writer.

There are a lot of things in life that I consider very precious (golden rings included, my wedding ring). Pizza for example is one that is hard for me to live without. Indoor plumbing is another example of preciousness, especially while camping. Both my dogs, Hannah and Ginger are precious part of my life – I love these little rascals dearly. On a spiritual level, I would say my family, faith and religion are the most precious of all. Family and faith makes up a lot of who I am.

As I sit here contemplating how precious my children and family are to me, I find myself thinking about the sanctity of human life. I cannot imagine EVER where my life would be today if either one of my children were to die. I would be devastated. Life is so fragile; it can be gone in an instant.

Why is life so important to many of us, and first and foremost, why is it so important to our Heavenly Father? Life is important to many of us because life is where we find out who we are. Its where we learn, grow and love.  I also believe with all my heart that we are all Gods children. “Each human being, no matter how young or how small, is a ‘beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and as such, each has a divine nature and destiny’” (Defending the Sanctity of Life, p. 291). When we welcome children into our lives, we are demonstrating to Jesus Christ that we are ready to become more like him. Every child has a right to life and to receive his or her body, grow and learn, and one day, return back to the presence of God.

I am a “follower” on the Facebook page called, “On Line for Life”. It is a page that is solely dedicated to raise awareness about the evils of abortion. It is a page to advocate the sanctity of life and to plead for the rights of the unborn child. The messages we hear today out in the “world” tell us that a woman has a right to do what she pleases with her body. However, do we ever hear about the right to save the baby’s body? What about the father of the baby, what about his choice. Abortion is a tragedy for everyone involved.

More action needs to be made to save these precious-innocent lives. There are appropriate ways to defend life and to stand up and fight against these laws that permit it. Fighting violence with violence is never the answer. 

I have barely scraped the surface about my feelings against abortion, but let me leave you with some wise words from Mother Teresa (Catholic Humanitarian and Nobel Peace Prize Recipient):

               Many people are concerned with children of India, with the children of Africa where quite a few die of hunger, and so on. Many people are also concerned about the violence in this great country of the United States. These concerns are very good. But often these same people are not concerned with the millions being killed by the deliberate decision of their own mothers. And this is the greatest destroyer of peace today- abortion which brings people to such blindness.  

      By abortion the Mother does not learn to love, but kills her own child to solve her problems. And, by abortion, that father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. The father is likely to put other women to the same trouble. So abortion leads to more abortion. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love but to use violence to get what they want. This is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion" ." 

(https://sites.google.com/site/faithfulcatholics/Home/pro-life-quotations-of-mother-teresa)

Forgiveness & Forgetting

It has been said before that once you truly forgive; you should forget as well. That is a tough order. I understand the concept of forgiveness, but how does one forget? Does “forgetting” mean that there is a blank space in your mind; a lost memory? For me personally, I feel that “forgetting” means that once you have forgiven someone, you stop dwelling on it. You find the power somewhere deep inside of you and make the choice to stop thinking about it or “hashing it out” over and over. True peace will come to a person once he or she has forgiven, moved on and stopped thinking about it.

Repenting and forgiveness in family life are probably one of the most important things we can do to strengthen our lives and our families. In chapter twenty of my text book, it states, “In families, repentance and forgiveness blend into an interactive process that is strengthened by family members’ commitment to each other” (as cited by Finkel, Rusbult, Kumashiro, & Hannon, 2002, p.201). I found this statement very profound because it backs up what I have always believed; having a commitment to one another means that we don’t give up and walk away. It is imperative to find solutions to our problems, get past the hurt, forgive and forget.

It has been my personal experience how quickly tension is defused between two people when an offer of or the acceptance of an apology is given. I have found the love and closeness between my husband and I grow stronger when we strive to live by this principle. Christ has commanded us to forgive. He has said, “I the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you, it is required to forgive all men” (Doctrine & Covenants 64:10).

Forgiveness is not the easiest thing to do. In some cases, it may take a whole-life time to forgive someone. Horrible acts are committed on others all the time, but those who have chosen the path of forgiveness, have found greater strength and peace. They have moved on with their lives with grace, and they find that they are happier. They also are able to forget, meaning it doesn't consume their thoughts anymore. I have experienced this. I arrived to a point in my life where I needed to offer forgiveness. After much prayer, I knew this was what Heavenly Father wanted for me. It was a process, and it didn't happen overnight but as the days went on, I was beginning to see my burden lifted. The frustration and confusion that plagued my thoughts started to cease. This was a gift only Jesus Christ could give. For that gift, I will be eternally grateful! 

Below is a beautiful true story of a man that offered forgiveness to a teenage boy while driving intoxicated, killed his wife, who was pregnant & two other children. This story explains in a much more powerful way the meaning of forgiving and forgetting:

Prayer and Faith: You can’t have one without the other

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints means so much more than just being a “Mormon.” For my husband and me, it is a lifestyle.  We believe that choosing to live this way has deep eternal consequences attached. We made the concrete decision to raise and teach our daughters to know these truths, why these truths are important, and in turn; we have the hope that they too will choose the same pattern.

Faith and prayer are a part of these truths that I speak of. Parents who have a central faith integrated into their families have a higher chance of staying together. They share a common bond that allows them to have reasons and incentives to make their marriages and families work. Take prayer for example, there have been scientific studies and research that have found that prayer has been an essential factor for families that have been built stronger bonds with each other. Prayer was taught to me by my parents; my husband learned to pray from his parents, and together we have taught our daughters to pray as well. We agree with John, when he wrote: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in faith" (3 John 1:4). Teaching my daughters to pray, I feel is the best way for me to teach them about faith. Prayer and faith go hand-n-hand. It takes great faith to pray, and prayer will build faith. How can I expect my daughters to walk in faith if I don’t teach them about these principles?

Prayer will help build a sacred bond not only between you and family members, but also with God. It allows a couple to show gratitude during the good times, and it gives them strength during the bad ones. When prayer is viewed as something sacred, then it will be taken much more seriously. Nathan M. Lambert who is a professor of Family Life at Brigham Young University, wrote: “Drawing on the powers of heaven through prayer is a powerful resource available to couples that can make a good relationship better and can heal a faltering marriage” (p.198). Prayer is influential; it will give aid to all who use it sincerely and who are seeking for that divine communication between him and God.

My own children have been wonderful examples to me. Now that they are teens, I am pleased to see that they love to pray, believe in it and are willing to offer prayers on the behalf of others who may be in need. As a young mother, I was so concerned about teaching my daughters the right things. Never would I have understood during that time, that one day they would be teaching me. No matter what one’s faith or religion is, if he or she develops at the least, these two principles, faith and prayer, then I really believe that their lives will have more meaning and peace.

Feel free to follow this link to read more on prayer: 

A House of Prayer

Just as we want our children to turn to us for counsel and comfort, our Heavenly Father wants us to turn to Him. He asks that we “pray always, and be believing” (D&C 90:24).  When our children kneel with us in prayer and hear ourpleadings in their behalf, the foundation of prayer is laid in their own lives.

You want me to do what? Work? Blahhh!

Recently, in one of my marriage and family relation classes, I was asked to talk about my thoughts and ideas on the values of working together as a family. Can it be rewarding?

If this same question had been asked to me when I was a kid or even an older teen, I probably would have said, “No way, Yuk, or Do I have to?" I hated work – it was the worst thing ever (though I didn’t mind earning money when it was offered). My father was, or better said, is a workaholic. He desired his children to be the same. In my mind, all we ever did was work. It never seemed fun, and it was even harder to do when I could see all my neighbor friends running around and playing.  I guess one could say that I had an immature attitude about it. Nonetheless, now that I am grown, I am so grateful that my Parents taught me how to work.

Now that I am a parent, I understand and see the value of hard work. However, my husband and I decided to teach our daughters a little differently. Since they were very little, I tried to turn chores into a game. I would sing songs with them, make it a contest, or sometimes even a reward was offered at the end of the job. As they got older, I would play their favorite music (or mine, 80s top hits) full blast, and we would ‘rock out’ as we were cleaning up around the house or outside. We have found that as we work together as a family, it is so much more fun. We talk more, laugh more, and my husband and I have had many opportunities to teach during those times. Now, I am not saying that my kids LOVE working, but I think they understand that it is necessary part of growing up and being in a family. In the long run, it has paid off. My oldest works part-time at an elementary school doing janitorial duties and the younger one has been going around trying to find jobs by mowing neighbor’s yards.  My hope is, by working hard, it will become a part of who they are when they grow up and hope they will continue to teach those values to their children. 

Keeping up with the daily chores, especially where kids are involved can be tedious and exhausting. Kids tend to fight and quarrel more; they don’t always do the job correctly, or they don’t do it at all. However, I really think as parents we need to never give up. We have a responsibility to rear our children to be dependable people in our societies and to take pride in a job well done. I really believe that when possible, laboring together as a family and teaching our children to work is an opportunity that is essential to becoming more like our Heavenly Father. Look around at the creation of this world; it becomes quite obvious to me that He is a hard worker. And yes, in the end, it will be rewarding! 

I couldn't help myself - The video below is a hilarious segment from "Kid Snippets" Its about a mom trying to get her kid to do his chores - This is all too familiar:

Mother, Mommy, Mama & Mom: Wouldn’t want any other name!

I remember as a little girl loving to play with my dolls, pretending house and dressing-up. It was such great fun to use my imagination in pretending to be a mommy. However, my first strongest memory I have of wanting to be a mother, sparked from deep inside my heart. I can’t remember the exact age I was, but I know I was in my teens. I was walking down the hall at church when I noticed a little toddler trying to reach his mouth to the stream of water pouring from the drinking fountain. My first inclination, which I acted on, was to pick him up so that he could get his drink. After he had his fill, he turned to me with leftover water dripping down his cheek and said in his sweet little voice, “Dank-you mommy!” My heart swelled; I brought him down, and he skipped away. I knew at that moment that I wanted to be a mom more than ever.

Fast forward a bit – well, a lot, and here I am fulfilling my desire of being a mother. It certainly isn’t as easy as I once imagined. I have shed tears of joy, sorrow, frustration, pain and of peace. I always knew I wanted many children; that was my plan. However, Heavenly Father had a different one for me (typical, isn’t?) J Without going into a lot of details, I will share with you my experience after Sunni, my second daughter, was born. She was a BIG baby (actually, both  were), 10 lbs. 4 oz. Her delivery was a planned C-section, and everything seemed to go great. She came into this world healthy and beautiful as ever. Later, that night, I woke up with a start; it was around 11:00 pm. It was very difficult, but I got myself out of bed to use the restroom. Once I got back, I fell asleep instantly. Almost an hour later, I woke again, needing to use the restroom. By the time I got in there, I had started to bleed out – profusely. I called for the nurses, and they quickly took action. Before I knew it, I was in the OR and I had flat-lined. I was losing blood faster than what they could replace. The only thing the Doctors could do to save my life was to do a hysterectomy. I was 28 years old.

This has been a deep and personal hurt for me. Not to mention how I have also lived with guilt for feeling so upset about what happened. The guilt is because I have two wonderful daughters, where there are so many couples out in the world that can’t even have one. To this day, I still do not know why this happened, but it did, and perhaps I will receive answers one day. In the meantime, I am so grateful for what I do have, and that I still have my life and the blessing of raising these two precious daughters of God.

Being a mother means so much more to me now than it ever has before. I can’t help but believe these feelings, and desires are inherited qualities from our Heavenly Father and Mother. I love that I am able to nurture my children and teach them all that I know about life, Jesus Christ and His Church. I take this role very seriously – hence, the tears that come from time to time. I understand now why mothers are known to spend a lot of time on their knees. I have been there myself pleading and seeking for guidance as I have worried about my girls.

The “world” tends to contribute such mixed messages of what it means to be a mom, let alone a woman. We are being bombarded all the time of physical stereotypes, that we don’t need a man (husband) to be fulfilled and that traditional family values are a thing of the past. There are so many mixed messages coming at us from all directions; it can be quite confusing. Elder Robert D. Hales, an Apostle of the Church, said once, in response to questions about motherhood, “The world would state that a woman is a form of servitude that does not allow her to develop her gifts and talents. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could be further from the truth. Do not let the world define, denigrate, or limit your feelings of lifelong learning and the values of motherhood in the home” (2008). On that same note, being a woman and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I feel that I know more about who I am and my role. I believe that “Motherhood is near divinity. It’s the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to angels” (James R. Clark 1951). Being a mother has taught me so much more than any class room or work experience could ever give me. I have learned all kinds of skills, communication, patience, love and understanding. 

At last, I just want to leave with this one phrase I learned years ago, “If you quit your job today, you will be replaced by tomorrow. However, if you die today, your family will never be able to replace you.” So really, ask yourself, when it comes right down to it – which job holds more importance?

To Be or Not To Be… A Parent

“To be or not to be, that is the question…” asked by Hamlet centuries ago from a play written by William Shakespeare. This famous phrase has spanned through time on an endless quest to find what the answer really is. I use this question in regards to parenting and what it means to be one.

TO BE a parent has several different meanings to various people. In my mind, first and foremost, it means that when a person becomes a parent, they are the sole responsibility to raising, teaching, nurturing and loving a child. Parents come if many forms. They could be the child’s natural parent, step-parent, adoptive parent, grand-parent, foster-parent and so on. Whether we have children of our own or not, we all can give love, support, teach and nurturing to the children around us.

NOT TO BE a parent (and I am referring to people who have children but they neglect them) is someone who doesn’t care to foster and take responsibility for their children. They are the fly-by night person that follows their own selfish desires, pursuits and interests. Though this may sound harsh, being a sperm or egg donor does not automatically make one a child’s parent (mother or father) either.

Once a couple makes the decision to become parents it is so important that this decision is made for all the right reasons. Children are a huge responsibility and parenting can take a toll on a marriage and well as it can bless one. My husband and I may have different opinions, interests or hobbies, but we have always shared similar parenting styles. We never took a class or received parenting counsel; we just loved, taught and reared our children the best way we knew how. We both have strived to teach our girls with love and righteousness.  President Gordon B. Hinckley taught, “Every child is entitled to grow up in a home where there is love in the family relationship, where appreciation one for another is taught and exemplified and where God is acknowledged and his peace and blessings invoked before the family altar.”

Parents need to demonstrate love and understanding, set reasonable limits for their children in regards to behavior and consequences and allow children latitude in making their own decisions and choices. By doing this, parents will be more likely to maintain a strong and positive influence on their children.

I really believe that of all the joys and disappointments life dishes out for us, the bulk of those emotions comes from being a parent. However, I would never trade this calling to be a mom and to parent alongside my husband for anything in this world. 

Here is a funny clip from "Everybody  Loves Raymond"... In this segment he tells his wife Debra how to talk to the kids: