His Job, Her Job, Our Job…

When Gary and I decided to get married, we wanted to start off our marriage in the right way. We created a set of rules to live by so that we would be worthy to marry in the temple and we signed up for a marriage prep class. We were going to do everything right. We were going to have the perfect marriage. We were going to have the Ward and June Cleaver marriage and family (You know, The Leave it to Beaver show from the late 50s, I am not sure if Gary knew that, but my goodness, we were going to have it).

In this marriage prep class, though I don’t remember much  of it, I can recall learning the importance of working together and  understanding what  our roles would be in the marriage yet learning how imperative it would be to support and sustain one another. We were given guidelines and strategies on how to have a successful marriage. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it teaches this very doctrine. It states, “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners…” Both Gary and I wanted to be involved in our children’s lives. However, we also understood that we each have different personalities and characteristics. We each would bring a unique perspective to our marriage and in the rearing of our children. We had no idea at the time what life would bring us; how the economy would affect us or how many children the Lord would send our way. But we both had the same goal in mind, and that was to establish a marriage and family on the principles taught by Jesus Christ.

Becoming equal in a marriage might have different interpretations, depending on who you talk too. As a LDS member, we believe in being equal to each other, yet maintaining different roles in family life and marriage. In our text book, it states, “Equality is all too often used to mean “identify”; that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other. Such usage represents a fallen and harmful understanding of equality that is espoused by Lucifer, who passionately wants all to be “like himself” (2 Nephi 2:27, Book of Mormon). In contrast, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught:

“The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole” (p. 38 – 2008 General Conference).

My husband and I want to be of one mind and heart when it comes to the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have different passions, hobbies and interests, but one thing we are the same in, is our testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  He has his responsibilities and jobs, and I have mine. But when I lack in something, get tired or irritable, Gary is there to stand up and take over. There have been many times when I didn’t know how I was to complete one thing or another without my husband. In return, he has told me the same. I have lifted and sustained and picked up the slack where he might have left off. I am not trying to say our marriage is perfect. There have been periods, especially during the beginning, where we could have used some extra guidance or counsel, but over all – we both are working, we both try hard and the result of it has been a huge blessing for both of us. 

Below is a cute video clip of Mr. Clever giving advice to his son, Wally about the different roles of "Mom and Dad" ...