To Honor and Obey? Seriously?

Marital vows, what exactly are they and what do they mean? In the first known recorded history, there are manuals and documents dating as early as the 1500s, describing marriage unions. According to Wikipedia, during the Roman Empire, “Free Marriage” was practiced among the lower classes. “ love  obey’" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows).

In today’s society, there are the traditional vows a couple makes. Most of us have either heard, made the vow ourselves, or maybe, even seen on TV. The words ring out with promises to be true to each other in sickness and in health, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer; til’ death do us part. Once these vows and promises have been made, what does it mean to keep these vows with complete fidelity?

I believe the best way to answer this question is to explain what it means to me. Complete fidelity in a marriage to me means that neither the husband nor wife have any kind of thoughts, associations, or participate in any kind of activity that would bring distrust, hurt or disharmony in their marriage. President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.” In the text book, we are using for my Family Proclamation class, it continues to give this definition of totally fidelity, “We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. We show faithfulness to God by loving him with all our ‘heart, might, mind and strength’ (D&C 4:2). We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed, our spouse is the only other being besides God whom we are command to love with all our heart. We are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart and cleave unto none else” (D&C 42:22). 

For as long as I can remember, I have always hoped and wished that I would be blessed to be married to my best friend. I remember praying to Heavenly Father with a list of attributes that I wanted in a husband. It occurred to me one day, after being married for close to five years, that Gary had all those attributes. God had answered my prayers and found me my best friend. Gary is a man that completely honors his vows. We both believe that a promise is a sacred covenant that we not only made to each other, but to God. Where does the ‘obey’ part come in? To me it comes in when we both promise to obey God’s commandments, by honoring and loving each other.

Even though I fantasized about living Cinderella’s Happily Ever After, we knew that there would be hard times; times where it would have been nice to just walk away. However, lucky for us, we also believe in the value of working it out, compromise and service. We came into our marriage knowing it was going to take hard work, dedication and a willingness to forgive.

The influences in the world would have us believe that if “things don’t work out”, you can always divorce. It’s simple, it’s easy, it’s the answer and no one is at fault. You can easily move on with your life and find someone new. But I ask myself, is that really the answer? Yes, I know there are real and serious reasons why a couple should divorce, I won’t argue that, nonetheless, I also believe that most marriages can be saved; if both parties are willing and wanting to do the work that is required. It is possible to bring back those feelings of devotion and commitment on the day the vows were made.

To honor and obey, yes, completely! To honor one another, and to obey and honor God who is and should be the center of your marriage.

Below is a short video about honoring our spouses and loving them forever: